Turning Tough Times into Hope

So much has happened over the past few weeks! At the end of October, I was so lucky to get to go to Melbourne to see my favorite band live, and explore the city. I don’t like change and my ocd made it feel impossible but I did it! There were so many struggles and barriers along the way, but by the end of it I got to hear my favourite song play live (even if it was standing outside the stadium haha), as I had to leave the concert early from panic attacks (sadly my mental health didn’t disappear during this holiday haha). Just before I went to Melbourne, I had some big changes in my life and it caused my brain to have a massive spiral, where I was having the most horrible panic attacks every day, some episodes even lasting days on end. Once we found the cause, they have calmed down a bit but my ocd has somehow grown larger, leaving me feeling so hopeless. I also turned 17 last month, which are words I never thought I’d get to say! I feel very thankful for all the awesome people in my life who helped me get here! I’m planning some big changes for the purple project coming into the new year, but at the moment I’m trying to take things slow now and trying so hard to get my brain under control, so I don’t know when it will be! I might try post more random little things over the next few weeks so if you have any requests of posts or anything let me know :) 💜

This week is OCD awareness week💙 I struggled for a long time to talk openly about my life living with OCD, because it is so stigmatised and I get so scared what people will think of me. But staying silent won’t make the change needed. I first showed signs of OCD when I was 8 years old. It was minor at the time, but living it felt so scary. I was so confused what was wrong with me and why I was different. As I grew older, my rituals got more complex and I developed other mental health struggles such as an eating disorder, that together tried to take away my life. I spent my pre teen years missing school, spending my time at CAF, as a crappy system tried to help a struggling 12 year old girl who didn’t want to live anymore because of her own mind. I am now nearly 17, however I never thought I’d be say that because I didn’t think I’d be alive today. My OCD impacts every second of my life in the worst, most miserable ways possible. OCD is so much more than the stereotypes it’s made out to be, it isn’t “I’m so OCD my room has to be organised” or “I need my pencils in rainbow order because of my OCD”, it’s debilitating and so draining and such an isolating disorder because of how misunderstood it is. Living with this illness is something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, but through living with it I hope I can help make a difference on peoples knowledge of OCD. I want to be-able to educate people who may have a friend with OCD, or a family member, or someone who just doesn’t know about the illness. I also hope that by sharing parts of my life living with OCD, I could help people feel less alone who may be struggling, because I felt alone for so so long. 💜💜

My market a few weeks ago had a very good turnout! I had so many really cool conversations and met so many cool people. Today I got to donate $250 to @youthlinenz which I’m so thankful to be-able to do. It’s been a rough time lately and I worked so hard on making stuff for the market alongside all the school stress and mental health things going on, so I was really nervous for the market because it can feel quite scary putting myself out there when I’m struggling. Massive thank you to everyone who has been so supportive and kind, and everyone who came along to the market- extra special thank you to some of my teachers from school who came, that was one of the biggest highlights of the market haha. I’m hoping to post some of my left over products for sale from the market on my story in the next few weeks so keep an eye out :) 💟💟

Tomorrow I’ll be at the @otautahi_youth_makete selling heaps of key-rings I’ve been working on making and my usual earrings and other things, with some discounted products to :) I’m not sure where my business will be going after this market. I’m hoping it brings back the joy I used to feel when making and selling stuff, but recently I’ve been really struggling and have been finding it really hard at school and just looking after myself in general, and selling stuff and running this business has been really extra tricky, and I feel like I am letting people down by not trying to sell my products and spreading as much awareness and change that I hope to make💟💟

I apologise that I haven’t been posting on here or been active in a while. My mental health has been a massive downhill battle lately. For the last few months after my most recent market, I’ve felt myself sinking into a hole, but felt like I physically couldn’t pull myself out. I have bright moments, and I try so hard to embrace them, but now sometimes even in bright moments, my OCD is still so loud and it feels like I will never get a break. Every day feels like a downwards battle, most nights I hope tomorrow never comes so I don’t have to deal with all the horrible pain my brain is going through. I think I typically come across as a bright and happy person, and a lot of days now I just don’t have the energy to put on a smile and I think that’s okay. I’m trying to ask for support more and trying so hard to not lock myself in my bubble where I suffer in silence and feel so alone, because I don’t think I can survive this alone. I have some really cool friends, caring teachers and a very loving family that I’m so incredibly greatful for, yet my brain makes me feel like I’m such a massive burden to every single one of them and that there lives would be better without me. It’s hard battling that feeling as well as trying to find strength to reach out for help. I’m hoping to be back to posting and raising money and raising awareness soon, but for now I need to focus on still being here and keeping myself going. I just wanted to post a little explanation :) If your reading this and feeling alone or struggling, know it’s okay to reach out for help, it’s okay to ask for support even though being vunrable can be a scary feeling, your now is not your forever🧡

Today I donated $300 to @youthlinenz from my recent 2 markets! Recently I have been really struggling with my mental health, so haven’t been as active on here and haven’t achived as much as I want to. I planned on having my website up to date and products photographed by the time my recent market came around, but when it came to actually doing it I wasn’t able to because I am in such a dark place, and to be honest I feel really disappointed in myself because of that. Everything every day has been such a struggle, I feel like there is no escape. I’m sharing this as an apology for not being myself and for not being better, and I guess to show that it’s okay to not be okay. I’m going to try make progress on making more products and updating my website, and will try continue to post here! I have so much I want to do but just no strength to do it yet. You are so loved and you make the world a better place, keep fighting I appreciate every single one of you SO MUCH💟💟

Me and Chewie have finished the walk the talk fundraising for @youthlinenz where we walked at least 31 minutes every day in may Thank you to everyone who donated! We are very grateful 💟 The donation link is still running I think so if anyone wants to do some last minute donating our link is on my profile :) Thank you💜

Today is one year since the purple project was created! To thank everyone for all there support I’m going to be giving away some products!!!! To enter…. Follow and like the post Tag 2 people Share the post to story for an extra entry (make sure to tag me!) NZ only Closes on 15 of June 5pm You can enter as many times as you like! Good luck💟

SPECIAL DEAL! Get a dog tag and matching keychain (customisable) for $15! Deal lasting 48 hours!!!!💟💟 100% profits go to youthline💜

RESIN DOG TAGS! $8 for small (max 6 letters) $10 for large (any amount of letters!) The photos are the variants of design, I also have flower charms (like the fruits!) The sprinkles design in the photo does not have the brown sprinkles in the new designs! I can do pretty much any colour/colours and if you can’t decide, I can customise on for you based on a colour you like! DM to order! @youthlinenz

This is a letter I wrote to my ocd, from living with it for so so many years I’ve started better understanding and explaining how it feels, and i thought I’d share this as I think it might help people understand a bit better and also something for others to relate to that may help them put there feelings into words💜

Thank you so much to everyone that came along and supported me today💜 I feel so endlessly greatful that this is something I’m able to do, I’ve been struggling a lot recently and the amazing people I met today and the conversations I got to have makes me truly so grateful for this opportunity. One of my highlights of markets is the conversations I get to have with people and other stall holders, it is such a highlight and every single conversation means so much to me and I always remember them💜 The purple project means the world to me, and I can’t believe I got so lucky to have so many incredible people surrounding me on the journey, one of the best being one of my best friends @holly_kerrlogan / @hkl_rocks_nz . I truly wouldn’t be here today without Holly, she motivates me every day and has always been such a massive part of the purple project and one of my biggest supporters not only with my business but also as a friend💜 I love you so much Holly💜 📸- @holly_kerrlogan

I’m excited to be attending the Youth Market located at @the_kind_foundation opposite the botanical gardens! If you’re in Christchurch and free on the 17th March come along to see and support so many awesome businesses including one of my favourites @hkl_rocks_nz 💕💕 I will have lots of new unreleased limited products available as well! I will post more about it as the day comes closer💜💜

A little bit about me and my story! 💜💜 I’m currently working on some new products to release so I thought in the meantime I’d make some things to post :)

Today in Christchurch we had our first peaceful mental health protest! Thank you so much to @billiecresswellnzl__ for organising it, and @holly_kerrlogan / @hkl_rocks_nz for taking some amazing photos! It went very well and we had lots of support from the public💟💟 Hopefully today we opened some people’s eyes to how bad and underfunded the mental health system is in New Zealand, and hopefully this can help make some sort of change to the system in the long run! 💜💜

Some photos of the things I’ve been up to since it’s school holidays 😁 I tend to struggle a lot with holidays, and although I have been struggling heaps I still have some highlights I wanted to share! I’ve been doing lots of crafts and also hanging out with my dog Chewie🐶 I might share more of what I’ve been getting up to on my story’s 💜💕

Today I donated $200 that I raised from my recent markets to @youthlinenz 💟 I’m very grateful for everyone who supported me with this and also the people that purchased some of my things that contributed to the donation. The hours and hours spent stressing and sewing and making (and the back pain from it haha) is all so worth it and I’m very proud of what I’ve done so far💜 This brings my total donation to youthline up to $355 which is crazyyy I’m so grateful!!! I hope I can help out some people with this💜🫶🏻 Thank you to everyone who supports me so much it is always so much appreciated and never goes unnoticed💟 I’m hoping to attend more markets next year and release some new products and will keep you updated :)💟

My first market yesterday went very good! I went with my dear friend Holly (@hkl_rocks_nz ) it was a great experience! I’m very pleased with the money I’ve raised for @youthlinenz and very grateful for the support💕 Holly sells amazing painted rocks, she’s so incredibly talented, check out her page :) I’ll be at the reframe market in Riccarton on Thursday, I’ll post more details on my story leading up to it💜 Thank you for all the support

This week is mental health awareness week! For this week only, I have made a 40% off discount code for everything at checkout! The code is MHAW2023 All proceeds go to @youthlinenz 💜 #nzsmallbusiness #mentalhealthawareness

I’m so grateful and proud to say that I have so far raised and donated $155!! I really hope this donation can help at least 1 person who may be struggling, and help some people get the support they need and deserve. Thank you for all the support I’ve had so far, it means the world to me. I will continue working on ideas for the purple project, the website is still up and products are still available, and I hope to raise more money in future. My mental health personally has been declining lately that has led me into a difficult place, making me struggle to advertise and make the marketing as much as I had hoped. I’m going to take a moment to get my mind back on track and in the meantime will be thinking of some ideas on how to make this business bigger and better. I am endlessly grateful for the love and support, and I hope this makes you proud Maddie and Portia💟

The website is now live! The link is in my bio. This first drop is small, but I have more plans for future. if you have any questions or anything you noticed wrong with the website, feel free to message me! thank you💜 #thepurpleproject_nz #smallbusinessnz

I’ve been lucky enough to be working with @hkl_rocks , who has been making some amazing rocks for the website! They range from pocket sized to larger ones for decoration! They have a strong seal so are outside and inside friendly💜 Check out her page to see all her awesome designs💟

My name is Maddi, I am a 15 year old from New Zealand. This small business/project is made in honour of 2 beautiful girls, Maddie and Portia, who were failed by the New Zealand mental health system recently. I hope that from this project , I can help at least 1 person who may be struggling with mental illness. As a person who has their own mental illness struggles,and who has been through the mental health system many times, I know how hard it can be to get the proper help you need. I will be donating 100% of the money to @youthlinenz Youthline works with people from all backrounds, with all sorts of things going on in their lives. They rely on donations to keep the system running, and I hope I can do my part to support as many people as possible. Products will be released at a later date💜